The First Snowfall
Today started out like most days: I woke up (late as usual), had a coffee and went to work. It wasn't anything extraordinary, or different, or new. It was routine, and of course, as regular as the sun sets and rises I found myself alone at the end of the day with my thoughts, which isn't always a good thing.
For a solid 15 minutes I looked out my window and watched the snow fall peacefully on my street.
I also noticed that all the houses on my street are built the exact same.
And then I got sad.
Watching the snow fall made me realize that this year really is almost over, and I started reflecting. Oh my god, what a year it's been.
I've learned a lot. I've seen a lot. I've experienced new things, good and bad. I felt feelings I didn't even know I had. I grew into myself a little more this year than the last.
However, I caught myself thinking about all the things I wish I did differently. People I wish I treated differently. Things I wish I had never said out loud. Self reflecting on things I did this year that I didn't know I was capable of. Things I wish I did that I feel like I'm not capable of.
I know that the past is the past, and that all we can do is learn from it (that's what the Lion King taught me anyways) and embrace it for what it was, but part of me wonders how different things would be if I did that one thing different, or worded that one argument a little less harsh.
Would the butterfly effect have played to my advantage or disadvantage?
2017 was definitely not my year. 2018 might not be my year either, but I just have to grin and bear it and learn from each new day. I need to learn to pay a little closer attention to what I do and say, and be more mindful. Potentially even grow a backbone? Who knows.
Tonight the snow will have fallen all night long and my tracks from today will be long gone, and I'll be able to make fresh steps in the morning.