The (Not So) Independent Woman
Today I cried over something stupid. I know it was stupid, but it really did upset me.
I've always considered myself an independent woman. Not because I want to be like that Destiny's Child song from my childhood, but because I've always liked to do things on my own. If worse were to come to worst, I want to be able to manage and survive on my own, and I think that's a fair thing to ask for.
However today I realized that the older I've grown, the harder things are to do on my own. I think it's because the tasks have become more complicated or grown up than when I was a kid. The biggest thing when I was a kid was reaching the top shelf in the kitchen, and now it's making real life adult decisions and trying to do things that are scary to do alone. At least, this is what I tell myself.
Today I tried to do one of those things.
I moved into a new apartment (don't laugh, yes I did it again) and I don't have a closet. It's an oversized bachelor apartment so there is no built in closet, but there was definitely a space I knew would work. My landlord gave me the freedom to do whatever I wanted and he would reimburse me when it was finished. So let the project begin!
I set off to Home Depot today with a task in mind. It DEFINITELY was not an easy task to say the least, because the space was a hard one to use. It's a narrow indentation in the wall with an extremely angled ceiling, so *of course* I looked up ideas on Pinterest and google.
Oh yeah, I Pinterest now. I'm so grown up.
I don't own power tools, so I had to borrow some because I didn't want to spend money on a brand new power drill (uhm HELLO that's at LEAST $50).
I aimlessly wandered around Home Depot for about 10 minutes before I stopped someone and asked for help. This guy was pretty helpful and patient and helped me pick out all of the materials I needed, measured the items with me and basically walked me through the process step by step.
Then I got home and I was so excited to get started. "Oh this will take me an hour tops" I told myself.
10 MINUTES IS ALL I SURVIVED.
In those 10 minutes, this is what I accomplished:
I realized I didn't buy a battery for my new stud finder
I YouTubed a video about how to put a wall anchor into a wall since I didn't know where the studs were
I broke said wall anchor
I drilled four pointless holes into the wall
I stripped a screw and couldn't get it out of the wall
The bracket I was using was stuck on the stripped screw and I couldn't get it apart
So I called my dad and asked him how to get a stripped screw out of the wall and he told me how and I still couldn't do it.
I started crying and texted my landlord and told him I couldn't do it myself and that I needed help, and so he sent over his handyman.
Honest to God, this guy did the job I barely got started in about 20 minutes.
And I was SO happy when it was done and it looks great, but it also made me super upset that I couldn't do something I thought was so simple. I mean, in a way I guess that's why they're called handyMEN and not handyWOMEN but still...I wanted to do this by myself and I just couldn't.
I guess on the bright side I tried, and I got all the supplies myself. I had the ambition to do it alone and the courage to ask for help when I needed it. But God damn, I wanted to do this myself.
I learned that I can't do everything on my own, and I just have to learn to accept that fact, and that it's okay to admit defeat, even if it's only takes ten minutes...
And at least my closet looks dope.